30 Week Appointment Update 7-21-2018

 First of all, please let me apologize for being so late to update you on our latest specialist appointment. You all have been so sweet to reach out in concern for our family; it truly means the world to us! Thank you!

This past Friday we met with our Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor and then a Neonatologist that works for the children's Hospital. The first hour was spent doing an in depth ultrasound. The technician was precious and took her time getting us the most perfect 3D pictures of Sadie's face!

Isn't she gorgeous? I am so grateful we have these photos of our girl!

Once the ultrasound was over the doctor came in an explained that Sadie's arms and legs have essentially stopped growing and are still measuring 18-19 weeks which is the same size they were at our last appointment three weeks ago. Her head and stomach are measuring on track at 30 weeks but the issue of her chest size still remains and unfortunately isn't getting any better. Her heart is growing at a normal rate but the bones in her chest are still extremely small. Since there is no room for expansion in her little chest, her heart and lungs are constricted which won't allow her to breathe on her own outside of my womb. 

People have asked me "can't they just expand her chest so that she her heart and lungs have more room" but unfortunately its not that simple. I so wish it was... The doctors have explained to us that even if they were to break and expand her chest plate it wouldn't help her in the long run because its only a temporary fix. 

After we met with our MFM doctor we were introduced to the Neonatologist. She was so kind and understanding of our situation. When she spoke to us it was with genuine concern and sentiment for what we were going through; I was so grateful for that. She explained to us that there isn't much they can do for Sadie once she's born - the most they could do is put her on a ventalator to prolong our time with her. Of course, our next question was "How much time do you think we will get to spend with her alive without major intervention?". She said she was unsure but it could be anywhere from minutes to several hours. 9 months carrying her in my womb and mere minutes in our arms. I am not ready for what's coming. 

Delivery day seems so far away but the reality of it is as each day passes we are another day closer to the birth and potential death of our only daughter. I get extremely overwhelmed imagining how that day is going to look... how it will feel leaving the hospital with empty arms...how the recovery will be even harder in every way...physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm going to be honest and tell you that when Drew and I began talking about trying to have another baby after our last miscarriage this wasn't even on our radar. We were bracing ourselves for another miscarriage or bringing home a new baby... it was black and white. This gray area we are in has me shaken to the core. Don't get me wrong, my faith isn't shaken but my outlook on life has shifted completely.

Life isn't about presenting your best self to show the world how "perfect" YOU are..it's about showing and sharing your scars to show how "human" we are and how much we ALL need a Savior.